Adam Carolla Quotes About Funny

We have collected for you the TOP of Adam Carolla's best quotes about Funny! Here are collected all the quotes about Funny starting from the birthday of the Comedian – May 27, 1964! We hope you will be inspired to new achievements with our constantly updated collection of quotes. At the moment, this page contains 25 sayings of Adam Carolla about Funny. We will be happy if you share our collection of quotes with your friends on social networks!
All quotes by Adam Carolla: Atheist Books College Comedy Feelings Funny Giving Taxes Welfare more...
  • I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

    Funny   Dad   Humor  
  • When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

    Funny   Kings   Sex  
    "The Man Show". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1999 - 2014.
  • Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

    Funny   Sex   Humor  
  • I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

    Funny   Humor  
  • When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

    Funny   Humor  
  • I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

    Funny   Humor  
  • If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

    Funny   Humor  
  • I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

    Funny  
  • I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

    Funny   Humor  
  • Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

    Funny   Humor   Giving  
  • Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

    Funny   Humor   Thinking  
  • All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

    Funny   Humor   Want  
  • You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

    Funny   Humor  
  • I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

    Funny   Humor  
  • He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

    Funny   Humor   Guy  
  • You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

    Funny   Humor  
    Adam Carolla (2010). “In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks”, p.208, Crown Archetype
  • I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

    Funny   Humor  
  • Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

    Funny   Humor  
  • If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

    Funny   Humor  
  • When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

    Funny   Humor  
  • That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

    Funny   Humor  
  • Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

    Funny   Humor  
    Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
  • I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

    Funny   Humor  
    FaceBook post by Adam Carolla from Oct 24, 2013
  • Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

    Funny   Humor  
  • Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

    Funny   Humor  
    "The Man Show". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 1999 - 2014.
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Adam Carolla quotes about: Atheist Books College Comedy Feelings Funny Giving Taxes Welfare

Adam Carolla

  • Born: May 27, 1964
  • Occupation: Comedian