Adam Carolla Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Adam Carolla's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Comedian Adam Carolla's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 142 quotes on this page collected since May 27, 1964! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
  • If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

  • When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.

  • I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

  • People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

  • Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?

    FaceBook post by Adam Carolla from Dec 04, 2013
  • The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.

    "In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-aged White Guy". Book by Adam Carolla, 2010.
  • I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

    Funny   Humor  
  • It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

  • If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

    "The man’s man" by Larry Getlen, June 17, 2012.
  • There are certain things women are better at than men.

  • When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

  • I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

  • The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

  • No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

  • I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

    "QA: Adam Carolla talks bad jobs, worse parents and 'horrible' network execs in new book". Interview with Nicki Gostin, June 20, 2012.
  • I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

  • I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

  • I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

  • Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

  • When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

  • It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

  • I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

  • I don't know anything about computers.

  • Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

  • When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

    "‘How Dare You!’: Q&A with Adam Carolla". Interview with Joshua Kors, November 9, 2010.
  • I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

  • I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

  • A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

  • When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

    "The Man Show". TV Series, 1999 - 2014.
  • I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

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  • We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 142 quotes from the Comedian Adam Carolla, starting from May 27, 1964! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!