Alan Coren Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Alan Coren's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Writer Alan Coren's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 24 quotes on this page collected since June 27, 1938! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
All quotes by Alan Coren: more...
  • Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

    Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.184, Canongate Books
  • Sadly, as with so much about history's heroes, it's the spotting of potential fame that's the difficulty, whether it's publishing their poems, hanging their paintings, or buying their old underwear. Think of the great men whose lives passed in penury and hacking coughs due to public unawareness that their littlest possession would end up at Sothebys or the basement at Fort Knox.

    Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.118, Canongate Books
  • Can anything match that first fine discovery of the telephone and all it stood for? That first realization that, contained within ten simple digits, lay the infinitely possible? Out there ... lay six billion ears, all the people in the world available for contact and mystery and insult, unable to resist the beckoning of one small and villainous forefinger.

    Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.126, Canongate Books
  • Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.

  • The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.

    The Lady from Stalingrad Mansions 'A Short History of Insurance'
  • Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

    "The Sanity Inspector". Book by Alan Coren, 1974.
  • The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

  • Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

    "Biography/Personal Quotes".
  • To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.

  • I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

  • Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.

  • Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic... being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated - south from Sweden in about 500 BC; why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.

    "The Sanity Inspector". Book by Alan Coren, 1974.
  • A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

  • Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)

  • Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a "Wirtschaftswunder," which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one."

    "The Sanity Inspector". Book by Alan Coren, 1974.
  • The word "souvenir" has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless; but even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.

    Alan Coren (2008). “Chocolate and Cuckoo Clocks: The Essential Alan Coren”, p.183, Canongate Books
  • 10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?

  • Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

  • In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened, I know one boy who won't be sweating. I intend to raise my coffin-lid briskly, throw a few things into an overnight bag, and, whistling something appropriate, prepare to meet my Maker.

    Strong   Men   Boys  
    Alan Coren (1965). “The dog it was that died”
  • English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds, kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden, English bohemians sit in cold orderly rows, like carrots.

  • Disneyworld... is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin's, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan's. It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.

    "Tissues for Men". Book by Alan Coren, 1980.
  • Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

  • All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

  • There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

Page 1 of 1
We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 24 quotes from the Writer Alan Coren, starting from June 27, 1938! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!
Alan Coren quotes about:

Alan Coren

  • Born: June 27, 1938
  • Died: October 18, 2007
  • Occupation: Writer