Alonzo Bodden Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Alonzo Bodden's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Comedian Alonzo Bodden's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 29 quotes on this page collected since June 13, 1962! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
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  • A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

  • Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?

  • Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.

  • I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where a shiny car driving in a circle would fascinate them all day. And I can make fun of NASCAR fans, because if they chase me, I just turn right.

  • Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to take the crowd wherever I want them to go. I love it when they laugh, especially when they relate through laughter. It's a beautiful thing. It also means I'm going to get paid, which is nice.

  • I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into gay shape. Now, you know what I'm talking about. Gay men are the most ripped kind of... listen... I don't know how strong you have to be to blow a guy, but I'm guessin', there is some muscle involved.

  • I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.

  • Latinos outnumber Black people now. I'm not too happy about it. Because it's only a matter of time before we lose our month. Soon as they figure it out, they're going to have Latino History Month. All we're going to have is Cinco de Negro.

  • I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

  • I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.

  • They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm the idiot. They're like, 'Do you have a comforter?' 'Yeah.' 'Well, you have to protect it!' I had no idea it was under attack.

  • Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

  • I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more time and I never looked back, although it was nice to have a steady paycheck and benefits.

  • I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

  • There's always something that's going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few years before that it was spinach. The FDA is run by a 7-year-old kid that hates vegetables!

    Running   Hate   Kids  
  • Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do not hijack planes. In fact, in the history of aviation, a black person has never even attempted to hijack a plane. Do you want to know why? Because you can't sell an airplane.

  • Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been along for years... it's called cash.

  • I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.

  • In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.

  • You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip your ass, man. You think I'm going to be late because you've got tweezers and a bad attitude?

  • We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

  • Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

  • I'm a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs - they wanted to put me in a museum. Why did I move to the suburbs? I started watching Desperate Housewives. If comedy didn't work out I can always try gardening.

    Kids  
  • I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

  • I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.

  • I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can never imagine not doing it.

  • I could always make people laugh.

  • There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian; I've been fortunate to do that. To make a name for yourself and to be famous would be great - because it would give me that freedom.

  • The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear; cruisers like chrome, noise, and style. It's funny to me to separate them because I ride both. I prefer performance cruisers like the Honda Valkyrie I had or my Triumph Rocket III.

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We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 29 quotes from the Comedian Alonzo Bodden, starting from June 13, 1962! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!
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