Arthur Smith Quotes
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It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.
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Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.
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If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever, take up gardening.
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Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.
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It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.
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Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended.
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I am 54 and age is slowly writing itself on my face.
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I read 'Crime and Punishment' years ago and don't recall the details of it, but I do retain a strong sense of the creeping paranoia and panic.
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It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.
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I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.
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The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.
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The real change that paintings undergo is in the perceptions of the viewer.
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My eyebrows could do with a trim.
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I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo.
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About every four years, someone says to me, "I've got a friend who looks exactly like you." What can you say to this?
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Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not.
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Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross?
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Every generation of children has its private hero.
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My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.
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I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube.
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I'm an armchair kind of guy, especially when it's raining, which it always is and always will be.
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Acting in a stage play is like working the evening shift in an office.
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Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.
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Don Quixote's 'Delusions' is an excellent read - far better than my own forthcoming travel book, 'Walking Backwards Across Tuscany.'
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The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression.
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I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough.
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After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.
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If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.
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I like doing things I haven't learnt about yet. I've always been interested in art, and I love doing art.
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An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist.
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