Bob Saget Quotes
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I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!
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My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
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I'm psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.
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People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
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My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
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I love my mom! You can too for $12!
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If you don't wake up every day happy, change something.
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All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
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I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
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Aristotle said, Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Isn't that a three-way?
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I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
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The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
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When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
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It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.
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Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.
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Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.
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Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.
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What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
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I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
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Everyone I love I pay.
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Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.
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Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
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I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.
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You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
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Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
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Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
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I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
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Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.
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I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.
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