Daniel Tosh Quotes About Funny

We have collected for you the TOP of Daniel Tosh's best quotes about Funny! Here are collected all the quotes about Funny starting from the birthday of the Comedian – May 29, 1975! We hope you will be inspired to new achievements with our constantly updated collection of quotes. At the moment, this page contains 47 sayings of Daniel Tosh about Funny. We will be happy if you share our collection of quotes with your friends on social networks!
  • It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.

    Funny   Hbo   People  
    "Daniel Tosh’s jokes sneak up on you while you’re already laughing". Interview with John Wenzel, www.denverpost.com. February 18, 2009.
  • I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

    "True Stories I Made Up". Comedy album by Daniel Tosh, 2005.
  • I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.

    Funny   Ideas   People  
    Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
  • I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.

    Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
  • If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?

    Funny   Thinking   Taste  
  • That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.

    Funny   Guy   Asian  
  • If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

    Funny   Men   Virgins  
  • I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

    Funny   Humor   Thinking  
    "Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh/ Daniel Tosh". Documentary, Comedy, 2003.
  • Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.

    Funny   Stupid   Struggle  
    "Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts". www.imdb.com. 2011.
  • I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

    Funny   Clever   Perfect  
  • I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house.

    Funny   Humor   Gay  
  • I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

    "Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts". Comedy, www.imdb.com. 2011.
  • Here’s what I tell people now when they come to my shows: “First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.”

    Funny   People   Firsts  
    "Daniel Tosh’s jokes sneak up on you while you’re already laughing". Interview with John Wenzel, www.denverpost.com. February 18, 2009.
  • I can say that. I have a television show.

    Song: One, Album: Happy Thoughts, 2011
  • I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.

    Funny   Humor   Talking  
  • I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

    Funny   Sports   Athlete  
  • Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

    Funny   Humor   Men  
    "Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts". www.imdb.com. 2011.
  • You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

    Funny   Sick   Freak  
    "True Stories I Made Up". 2005.
  • I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.

    Funny   War   Drinking  
  • Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys.

    Funny   Girl   Morning  
  • Instead of dumping all my money on an independent film that nobody would watch and most people would make fun of behind my back, I decided, 'I'm just going to buy a house.'

    "At the top of his stand-up game" by Delfin Vigil, www.sfgate.com. August 23, 2007.
  • I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.

    Funny   Trying   Racist  
    "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have to sweat for cancer. I'll write a check.

    Funny   Cancer   Writing  
  • You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"

    Funny   Girl   Spiritual  
    "Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh". Documentary, Comedy, 2003.
  • I actually got a part in 'The Love Guru', that Mike Myers film. I heard it's awful. I got a Razzie award for it, which I'm quite proud of, but I still haven't seen it. I have no plans to branch out.

    Funny   Awards   Branches  
    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

  • It's funny... you can make fun of AIDS or Haiti, but if you make fun of some starlet in Hollywood's looks? That's like the one thing... the line you are not to cross.

    Funny   Hollywood   Looks  
    Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
  • I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

    Funny   Jesus   Hate  
    "Completely Serious". Comedy album by Daniel Tosh, June 17, 2007.
  • It's not Spring Break until somebody dies!

    Funny   Spring   Humor  
  • Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

    "Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts". www.imdb.com. 2011.
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