Daniel Tosh Quotes About Jesus

We have collected for you the TOP of Daniel Tosh's best quotes about Jesus! Here are collected all the quotes about Jesus starting from the birthday of the Comedian – May 29, 1975! We hope you will be inspired to new achievements with our constantly updated collection of quotes. At the moment, this page contains 6 sayings of Daniel Tosh about Jesus. We will be happy if you share our collection of quotes with your friends on social networks!
  • I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

    Jesus  
  • Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

    Jesus  
  • I always wondered if those WWJD bracelets worked, so I bought one the other day. Well, a few minutes later, I was on a plane and this little kid was kicking my seat repeatedly, while his sister sang along with her walkman and their mother just sat there. I almost turned around and went off, and then I caught sight of my bracelet. What would Jesus do? So I lit them on fire and sent them all to Hell.

    Jesus  
  • Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.

    Jesus   Hate  
  • I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend's wrist and it burned his skin. He threw it on the ground, it turned into a serpent, we both started laughing. We left it there, we hate snakes. We think they're slimy, even though we know they're not.

    Funny   Jesus   Hate  
    "Completely Serious". Comedy album by Daniel Tosh, June 17, 2007.
  • I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid and rubbed his eyes, and the kid could see. But he wasn't used to the light, 'cause it was bright, and he walked into traffic and was killed instantly. Okay, the people that are laughing right now? I'm gonna call you guys half-full. Because you're focusing on the important part of the story: the bracelets are working.

    Funny   Jesus  
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