Dave Barry Quotes About Golf
-
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
→ -
The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap.
→ -
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
→ -
Advice to expectant mothers: you must remember that when you are pregnant, you are eating for two. But you must remember that the other one of you is about the size of a golf ball, so let's not go overboard with it. I mean, a lot of pregnant women eat as though the other person they're eating for is Orson Welles.
→ -
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
→ -
I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
→ -
You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses because they will want to keep playing.
→ -
A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. A tautology is a thing which is tautological. A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets people's attention. If your kids look like you, it's hereditory. If they look like the neighbor, it's the environment. Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
→ -
The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
→ -
Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.
→
Related Authors
-
Robert Benchley Humorist -
Erma Bombeck Column Author -
Ridley Pearson Author -
Alan Zweibel Producer -
Elmore Leonard Novelist -
Tim Dorsey Novelist -
Greg Iles Novelist -
Harry Anderson Actor -
Gene Weingarten Journalist -
Russell Baker Writer -
Stephen King Author -
Scott Turow Author -
Roy Blount, Jr. Writer -
Art Buchwald Humorist -
Steve Martin Actor -
Mitch Albom Author -
William F. Buckley, Jr. Author -
Matt Groening Cartoonist -
Carl Hiaasen Journalist -
Amy Tan Film writer