David Cross Quotes
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I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that part of my brain.
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I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.
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I do not want to encourage heckling and outbreaks at all.
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I was in Antwerp - which, I had about 20 shows left at that point - and a guy said, "That's Dave Attell's." Also, Antwerp was my smallest audience, so the guy was right there. I was like, "What?" He said, "Dave Attell does a bit about, 'Why are there luggage stores in the airport?'" I had never seen that, and I would never ever, ever, ever - please believe me - I would never lift material from somebody ever, and certainly not knowingly.
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You have to get the second season by acquiescing to a third season.
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I've gotten "condescending" a million times, and that's not good.
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I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.
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There's the disingenuous duplicitousness, but you can apply that to every politician, really.
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I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted.
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I would say just stop watching me, I guess, at this point. That is what I do, and it probably is, in some way, a bit of a lecture. I can see how that's not something that would be enticing for you to watch in a stand-up hour.
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I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.
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It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor—which people like in America—all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel-selling-ring-tones act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride.
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What happened to our friendship? I really think it's our obligation as friends to be brutally honest and be frank with them and say, 'Look, I'm sorry, but your baby is fking boring.'
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I work a lot and I like to get out and work but the work I do to make the other work work I'm not very good at.
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Go back and read Sinclair Lewis - It Can't Happen Here or Babbitt. For a guy or girl who's going to do an hour of political comedy, it might be a little rough, sure. But I think if you're spending 10 minutes or less, and you're talking about - not necessarily [Donald Trump] but his supporters and the media coverage, there's all kinds of angles to explore. It doesn't just have to be simply, "This guy is crazy!" It's more about the idea of that kind of guy rising to the prominence he has, to actually become the Republican candidate.
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I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.
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Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff, you get people going, "I didn't come here to have my political views bashed."
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You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.
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There are really funny alternative comics and really funny straight comics who write and perform traditionally.
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That's what social media is, that's what Twitter is, that's what Facebook posts are. It's just really anti-intellectual.
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I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective.
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My biggest problem is retaining the exact information.
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There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.
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Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.
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I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.
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James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.
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Maybe if you live in Brooklyn, you don't need to hear that? But please, trust me, in most of America, they do need to hear it. And they're quite thankful that somebody came out and did it. For an hour and a half in that theater, for once, they're in the majority.
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I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.
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I read the New York Times, and if I'm in a different city, I'll skim that paper.
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I'd like to think that I'm not just making the point that I'm an atheist over and over, but that I explore different facets of religion. There's no way of bringing up religion without sounding like an asshole.
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