Dennis Miller Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Dennis Miller's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Comedian Dennis Miller's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 244 quotes on this page collected since November 3, 1953! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
  • So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them nationalist fervor about a country whose principal export is citizens who can swim.

  • The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

  • Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.

    "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun.

  • Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it.

  • Seems to me we move the furniture, the French come in later and put the doilies on top of it...It's a simple fact they've always been reluctant to surrender to the wishes of their friends and are almost anticipatory in their urge to surrender to wishes of their enemies. And if they want to get their hands dirty now they're just gonna have to run 'em through their own hair.

  • When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.

    God   Stupidity   Four  
  • Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

    Source: www.foxnews.com
  • There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.

  • And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.

  • The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic.

    "Dennis Miller: The Raw Feed". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. April 12, 2003.
  • Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery - an involuntary response.

  • Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie.

  • Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

  • The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic terrorists.

  • That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.

  • Childbirth is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that it can dramatically change a woman's body. SUI occurs when the vaginal wall weakens and cannot provide adequate support to the urethra, thus causing leaking. The good news is that women with SUI have many different treatment options available to them.

  • Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a sports bar.

  • Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

    "America's Cheesiest Ex-Cop". Interview with Elena Ferretti, www.foxnews.com. July 26, 2010.
  • I've changed after 9/11. My friends are still my friends.Bill Maher is my friend. I don't agree with a lot of what he says. And there are times I think, "Oh, my God. How could he say that."

    Source: www.foxnews.com
  • If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!

    "Dennis Miller Live", www.imdb.com. 1994-2002.
  • It's a cocktail-party circuit in D.C., That guy who couldn't master the guitar and get in a band and get laid, he ends up there. Gary Condit make sense to me. He's away from his family, he's in D.C. - if he was a car dealer in the [San Fernando] Valley somewhere out there, he'd be the guy who was trying to get laid by offering you the free undercoating package.

  • Everyone wants answers and wants to know what the timeline is. Unfortunately, it's a complex situation, and we don't have the final answers yet.

  • Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over a cucumber.

    Dennis Miller (2011). “Ranting Again”, p.14, Main Street Books
  • I've grown fonder for Hillary Clinton since she ran for the presidency. I think that it's emblematic of the Rolling Stones song, you can't always get what you want, i.e., the grail. Sometimes you get what you need. And whatever she's gotten over the last couple of years, being humbled or be it being humbled and see the proletariat come to bat for her, getting outside of the bubble, getting out of this man's shadow, not quite getting the job she wants but a great wonk job.

    Source: www.foxnews.com
  • I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.

  • Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today?

  • I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.

    "The Dennis Miller Show", June 08, 2004.
  • Political Correctness is inverted McCarthyism.

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  • We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 244 quotes from the Comedian Dennis Miller, starting from November 3, 1953! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!