Dom Irrera Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Dom Irrera's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Comedian Dom Irrera's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 13 quotes on this page collected since November 18, 1948! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
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  • My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, Dom, I think that waitress knows me. What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly came in four steps ahead of you?

  • You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor - like you didn't know it?

  • Everyone always says, Does it bother you that Italians are always portrayed as Mafia characters? No, it doesn't bother me. First of all, not everybody in my family is in the Mafia. I have one uncle who's clean.

  • I think boxing is an incredible sport and I would like to see it really become regulated because I think it could bring back a lot of the past.

  • Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be obnoxious. With the jokes and the putdowns, I would need to take a break... juggle something.

    "Dom Irrera...Dominating Stand-up". AskMen Interview, www.askmen.com.
  • You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I have no idea how this kid finds a door to get out of the house in the morning. If I were you, I would waste him and start over. Now, I say that with all due respect.

  • I was an actor in college and it was much easier than being a waiter. I thought it was fun to get paid. People were not exactly surprised to see me going in the field.

    "Dom Irrera Dominating Stand-Up". Interview with AskMen, www.askmen.com.
  • My father never cheated on my mother. He used to cheat on me. He used to pick other kids after school. Take them to the zoo. Take them to play ball. One day he came to me. He says, Look I got to level with you. I met another kid.

    Mother   Zoos   Father  
  • I love that red wine is good for you. Isn't that cool? I want to hear more of this. I want to hear more things in life like, Red wine, in conjunction with a lap dance, while watching NFL football, is the best cardiovascular workout you can have.

  • Nobody needs a cookie. You will never get your lab results back, Well, apparently, Miss Bexim what you need - and I am a doctor, I've never seen this before - some sort of a cookie. You're actually too healthy. You need a cookie.

  • I don't understand people who go to amusement parks. I spend most of my time trying NOT to be nauseous. 'Excuse me, could you strap me in upside down? I'd like to be as sick as humanly possible. I feel great today, I think I'll go down to Funland and snap my neck on the back of a ride. Honey, let's bring the kids, I want to give them a spinal cord injury for Christmas.'

  • My whole family, all they talk about is food and disease. And they're competitive with illness: I have a cold. I wish I had a cold! I don't even have sinuses anymore.

  • I want to be a bloated alcoholic. That's my goal - it is, I'm serious, because there is no other disease that is more fun than alcoholism. I know it has its downside, but I'll tell you, there's no other party disease like alcohol.

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We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 13 quotes from the Comedian Dom Irrera, starting from November 18, 1948! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!
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