Eddie Izzard Quotes
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There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?
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Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney?
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Some people are widely read. I'm thinly read.
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If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!
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I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.
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I'm a dyslexic person, so I avoid books.
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I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.
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In Britain we have a very powerful tabloid culture with celebrities on the front page crying with their make-up smeared and tears, and it's kind of what you'd expect from someone who likes to dress up that way.
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No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?"
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I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.
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The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
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They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
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You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!
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Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized.
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My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
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When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people
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If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.
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Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?
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But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!" "Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.
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If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
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So then there was the Greek, Socrates, he was great... He invented questioning. Before Socrates, no questioning. Everyone sort of went, ''Yeah, I suppose so.
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If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.
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Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU!
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Comedy is like a very cokey, druggy sugar. You get hits of comedy, and it's very, "More, give me more of that stuff," because serotonin is being released in the brain. So it's basically, everyone becomes serotonin junkies, and we are serotonin dealers. And that's what being a comedian is about.
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You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in the world and stick it in your ears and go THBBBBBT.
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I am someone who's very positive about business, as a social Democrat. I do like the safety net of the welfare system and people setting things and creating business, and that's what I try to do with my own work: export it around the world from the U.K.
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We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain!" They're going "You can't claim us, we live here! Five hundred million of us!" "Do you have a flag …? "No..." "Well, if you don't have a flag, then you can't have a country. Those are the rules... that I just made up!
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I wear whatever I want whenever I want. I don't call it drag; I don't even call it cross-dressing. It's just wearing a dress.
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He [Charlie Chaplin] was always playing as if it were to the camera, if you've seen the live shots of him when he's going to an opening night or something like that. And the skills that he had were beyond my ability to throw together. You just couldn't really compete with him. He was too athletic at that.
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Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
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