Evan Esar Quotes
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
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Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.
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Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g; others, because they understand each other too well.
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The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired [talking].
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A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
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A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.
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There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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Hindsight is good, foresight is better; but second sight is best of all.
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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
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About the only time Congress conforms to the will of the people is when it decides to adjourn.
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A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
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Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.
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A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.
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The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.
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The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
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Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.
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Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
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Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.
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The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.
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Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.
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A bore finds it easy to start talking, and even easier to get others to stop listening.
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In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.
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Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.
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