George Bernard Shaw Quotes About Funny
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Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
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The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
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Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
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NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.
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The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
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A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
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Every dream is a prophecy: every jest is an earnest in the womb of Time.
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Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
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Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do?
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There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.
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My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately
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A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.
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My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.
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What is wrong with the prosaic Englishman is what is wrong with the prosaic men of all countries: stupidity.
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Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.
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Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
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It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.
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The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.
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The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.
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The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.
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Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
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Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.
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Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.
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I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.
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If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.
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Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.
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What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.
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A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
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Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.
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