Greg Behrendt Quotes
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The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
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The only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust.
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Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
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I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.
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I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!
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A good indication that it's not is if you're only staying with What's His Name because you're scared.
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How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
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Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
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Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?
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I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.
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Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.
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Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.
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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
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Ive learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.
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Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
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I believe in love the verb, not the noun.
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It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less - even a vague pathetic facsimile of less - than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get, and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
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If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start ‘figuring him out,’ please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
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