Jackie Mason Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Jackie Mason's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Comedian Jackie Mason's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 73 quotes on this page collected since June 9, 1931! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
All quotes by Jackie Mason: Clinton Corruption Country Giving Parties more...
  • Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.

    Source: spectator.org
  • I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

  • Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.

    Source: spectator.org
  • It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

    Source: spectator.org
  • Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.

    Source: spectator.org
  • If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

  • Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.

  • It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • The New York Times distorts and defrauds the news and then claims to be impartial. They never give an even-handed version of the news - that's the last thing they'd ever do.

    Source: spectator.org
  • I've found that my humor goes over big in London.

    Source: spectator.org
  • I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

    "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.

  • I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

  • Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.

    Source: spectator.org
  • I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.

  • All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.

    Source: spectator.org
  • Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.

    Source: spectator.org
  • America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

  • My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

  • I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.

  • On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

  • Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.

    Source: spectator.org
  • Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got!

    Jackie Mason (1983). “Jackie Mason's America”, Lyle Stuart
  • A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.

  • Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?

  • Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

    Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
  • I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

    "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
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  • We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 73 quotes from the Comedian Jackie Mason, starting from June 9, 1931! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!
    Jackie Mason quotes about: Clinton Corruption Country Giving Parties