Jen Kirkman Quotes
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I stay on [Twitter] as Jen Kirkman, a person. It's just a way for me to connect with what I know and read everything and catch all areas.
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Not that that's my goal, but when you're very wealthy and very famous, you can have a lot more decisions in what you do. You have a lot more opportunity. You can maybe even not work for a few years. It puts you in a great position to make some decisions. You're not always taking every job that comes and that kind of thing.
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My brain does like the idea of hosting a late-night show. My brain does like the idea of maybe having a show about me. So, I often pitch ideas and work on scripts and do that just because I may not be right about how I feel, so why not just do this, and if it happens and I got my own show, well maybe I would really end up falling in love with it.
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If, for some reason, everyone knew who I was without me having to have my own TV show, that's what I would do. That way, I could do less shows a year.
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Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital.
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I had no idea that marriage was only supposed to be between two people who wanted to get between the sheets and make more people. What ever happened to marrying for love— or to get on your partner’s health insurance policy, or for presents? No one was going to buy two people in their thirties a four-slice toaster if we just continued to live in sin.
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I don't think people are really breaking ground and getting new fans or anything. So, I just use it more in my personal life but obviously I'm in a business where people think that Twitter matters so I'll be like, "Yes, I will tweet out this show." But it is something that me, the human, uses.
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There have been many times in my life where I got opportunities that I never thought would be the things that I needed, so I'm always saying, "I want to do this but whatever the universe thinks is right, I'm open." Because otherwise it causes me so much pain if I don't get what I want. It's my least favorite thing.
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You teach someone about fallopian tubes in grade school, and you revisit it again in seventh grade for a better understanding of that stuff. I think it's never-ending. I don't know why it isn't all the time.
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Everyone traveling alone is just on their phones the whole time.
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I think March and fall are natural seasons for me to feel invigorated.
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I don't know. Maybe [sex-ed] is my new calling?
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Even if it's L.A. and it's warmer, we're not supposed to be revving up right now. I don't like everyone's energy around [winter] time of year.
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It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.
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I have a new rule where I only follow fashion people on Instagram.
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[Yoga] never calms me. Ever. But it certainly helps me prevent something.
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[The first] week [of the year] is great because my special is coming out but it's also my least favorite week because everyone else is on hyperdrive. They're like, "Let's do it! We're doing our goals!" Everyone is bothering me and there's so much hyper-intensity going on and I'm like, "It's winter, you guys. It's hibernating time."
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Testosterone makes you completely out of control, but that's okay.
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I have no choice sometimes, but there's something about being alone. When I'm alone I might not speak for 24 hours, but you're totally seeing things. It's a pretty cool experience.
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I want to re-visit everything. We're people and we're so different. I think it would just be nice if it wasn't just like, "Eww, women." That would be a big thing for me.
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The whole notion that I don't appeal to the demographic - all my fans are young men. Someone asked me the other day, "So are your shows just full of 40-year-old single women?" I'm like, "I would be rich if that were true."
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I don't want to have kids and so I am not going to have kids. People who want kids are going to have kids. I'm doing what I want to do and people who want kids are doing what they want to do. What about this scenario makes me selfish?
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I am never home, and it's hard to keep up with things that are good for you to have in life like relationships, whether they be romantic or friendship. I have to work twice as hard to make sure I don't just check out. That's what I mean by vulnerability.
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God, there's teaching biology and teaching sexuality, and it's two separate things. They mix it and make it more of a morality thing where it's like, "A man and woman have a baby."
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Admittedly, the masturbation story is just a "Hey, this is one of my best-of's, I'll throw it in the special." But the grandmother stuff, really, I feel like is part of the theme and part of the best way to end the story that I'm telling with the special.
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I find it actually the height of romance to legally bind yourself to someone because you're really taking care of someone, and letting them take care of you. I actually have no cynicism about that.
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I always try to be open to whatever the universe wants from me.
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What I found out about myself was I am not someone who doesn't believe in marriage.
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I'd also talk about the period and of course all the different gender things that people might feel that they are. I'd be a terrible teacher because of what I don't know about that.
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I'm the queen of outside speakers.
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