Jenny Eclair Quotes
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I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.
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I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.
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As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
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I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.
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My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!
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I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.
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I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.
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I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.
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I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.
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Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.
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Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.
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I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.
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I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
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I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.
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I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.
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I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.
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I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.
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Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.
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If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.
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My daughter has always had a strong sense of her own identity. From the day she was born her father and I were in love with and in awe of her and still are.
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I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face
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As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.
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I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.
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I was trained as an actress. But I wasn't a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.
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Well, I really don't like heights. I don't get on the top deck of a double-decker because that's a bit high for me. I always feel that I'm going to hurl myself off, so heights are a problem.
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Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.
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I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.
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A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
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The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.
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I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.
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