John Oliver Quotes
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I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas.
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The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.
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Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
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Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.
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I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.
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I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
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Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
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Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.
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There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
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Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.
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The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.
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I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.
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You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'
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People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
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I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.
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I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
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A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
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I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.
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When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.
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I care about facts the way I care about oxygen and imbibing enough water a day to live.
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If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.
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When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.
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According to current Florida law you can get a gun, follow an unarmed minor, call the police, have them explicitly tell you to stop following [the minor] and choose to ignore that, keep following the minor, get into a confrontation with them, and if at any point during that process you get scared you can shoot the minor to death, and the state of Florida will say, 'Well, look: you did what you could.'
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I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
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I do not want to leave in [U.S.] ... I cannot make that clear enough to immigration authorities who may be listening to this interview. I don't want to leave, so please don't make me.
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There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.
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I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.
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Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
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The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
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You don't need people's opinion on a fact.
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