Jon Stewart Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Jon Stewart's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Satirist Jon Stewart's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 513 quotes on this page collected since November 28, 1962! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
  • I feel like the only thing that I can do, and I've been fired from enough jobs, that I'm pretty confident in saying this, the only thing that I can do, even a little bit better than most people, is create that sort of that context with humor. And that's my way of not being helpless and not being hopeless.

    Interview with Bill Moyers, www.pbs.org. April 27, 2007.
  • Thus, I've created humour.

  • You know, I just want to say to her (Sarah Palin), just very quickly...F-- you.

  • Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much.

  • Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right before bed.

  • We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.

  • Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.

  • It's like hunting cows

  • Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?

    C-SPAN interview, October 14, 2004.
  • Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is - and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.

    "JON STEWART Offers Brilliant, Heartfelt Reason For Releasing Osama Bin Laden Death Photos" by Noah Davis, www.businessinsider.com. May 5, 2011.
  • Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean was all smiles, well smirks, after picking up the endorsement of former Vice President Al Gore at a rally in Harlem ... Gore went on to praise Dean for taking a tough anti-war stance before the invasion of Iraq and he praised Dean supporters in hopes that will ease his concerns over lack of foreign policy experience, and his lack of support among blacks and Latinos, and his hot temperament, and perceived arrogance, and policy flip-flops, and campaign glitches. Well, there's a lot going on here.

  • [Hugh Jackman is] an Adamantium-laced Fred Astaire.

  • Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.

  • It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways.

  • A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, "When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off."

  • President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth.

  • I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.

    "Jon Stewart: The Most Trusted Name In Fake News". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. October 4, 2010.
  • In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.

  • On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.

  • I think, with the administration they do Constitutionally-mandated things most of the time, but they don't - they fulfill the letter of their obligation to checks and balances, but not the intent.

    Source: www.truth-out.org
  • Al-Qaeda's resurgence brings out the worst in the Bush Administration's math and logic.

  • Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that's extraordinary. And that's why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It's democracy. They can't shut that down.

    "Video: Revisiting Jon Stewart's Post-9/11 Speech On 'The Daily Show'". "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart, gothamist.com. September 20, 2001.
  • I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?

  • Robert Torricelli, a powerful fund-raiser who helped raise more than $100 million for the Democratic party, took inappropriate gifts from a businessman, including an $8,000 gold Rolex watch, for which he was severely admonished by the Senate Ethics Committee in July. To recap: raising $100 million in contributions from gigantic corporations - ethical; taking a watch - unethical. That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1974.

  • The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.

    Source: www.truth-out.org
  • What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president?

  • We've come from the same history - 2000 years of persecution - we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained, we just never thought of putting it to music.

  • I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.

  • I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

  • So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.

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  • We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 513 quotes from the Satirist Jon Stewart, starting from November 28, 1962! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!

    Jon Stewart

    • Born: November 28, 1962
    • Occupation: Satirist