Josh Billings Quotes
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Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
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As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.
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Experience increases our wisdom but doesn't reduce our follies.
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Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
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Unless we put heart and soul into our labor we but brutify our actions.
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One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
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Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
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Marrying a woman for her money is very much like setting a rat-trap, and baiting it with your own finger.
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Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
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I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
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Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.
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The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
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There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they actually can't tell the truth without lying.
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It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.
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Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
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Successful writers learn at last what they should learn at first,--to be intelligently simple.
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Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.
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A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that's lost-he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
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True valor is like honesty; it enters into all that a man sees and does.
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A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
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Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.
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When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.
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Never teach your child to be cunning or you may be certain you will be one of the very first victims of his shrewdness.
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Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
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Vanity is a strange passion; rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.
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The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it.
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The books are balanced in heaven, not here.
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It's not what we don't know that prevents us from succeeding; it's what we know that just ain't so that is our greatest obstacle.
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