Mark Twain Quotes About God
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The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything.
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There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
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God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.
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Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.
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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.
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Being made merely in the image of God but not otherwise resembling him enough to be mistaken by anybody but a very near sighted person.
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Man proposes, but God blocks the game.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father; He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.
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Public opinion is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.
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No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.
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Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
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God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.
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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden
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God pours out love upon all with a lavish hand -- but He reserves vengeance for His very own.
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All gods are better than their reputation.
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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.
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The motto stated a lie. If this nation has ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century almost its entire trust has been in the Republican party and the dollar--mainly the dollar. I recognize that I am only making an assertion and furnishing no proof; I am sorry, but this is a habit of mine; sorry also that I am not alone in it; everybody seems to have this disease.
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None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.
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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.
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No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.
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Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
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