Norm MacDonald Quotes
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.
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In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.
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If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy.
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Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.
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[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].
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It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.
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I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
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RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
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I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.
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Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."
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I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.
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Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
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There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.
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I'm happy doing stand-up, but I'll probably do a television show eventually. If not, I'll delve into this Internet world and decide best how to harness it. What I like best about it is the independent movie style and the ability to just be completely reckless within that world. I like that a lot. I just have to acquaint myself with technology.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it.
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You can't love your team without hating another team.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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