P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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It doesn't matter how many televisions and computers and pieces of stereo equipment the Chinese send to us, even if they're sending them to us only in return for some funny, little, green pieces of paper. That is a balanced trade. They got what they wanted: the green pieces of paper. We got what we wanted: the plush toys, the computers, the stereo components.
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We like to pile language on language. Hunter [ S. Thompson] was an influence on me, no doubt about it.
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Collectivism doesn't work because it's based on a faulty economic premise. There is no such thing as a person's "fair share" of wealth. The gross national product is not a pizza that must be carefully divided because if I get too many slices, you have to eat the box. The economy is expandable and, in any practical sense, limitless.
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The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.
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People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.
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A careful reading of 50 Simple Things leaves you wondering whether you're going to die from environmental disaster or intellectual annoyance. Failing either, you can worry yourself to death.
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There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please.
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Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?
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Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?
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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.
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We also have a lot of the same influences - we both read a lot of the beatniks. And yet what we actually do is almost exactly the opposite. His [ Hunter S. Thompson] political stuff is just wonderful, but basically nothing happens.
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Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.
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There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
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Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
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When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.
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Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby.
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[T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? Or maybe the people in Texas were attacked because of child abuse. But, if child abuse was the issue, why didn't Janet Reno tear-gas Woody Allen?
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Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow ... It is impossible to be alive and safe.
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The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view.
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I'm certainly not fearful.
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I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.
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The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that there is something they are all attached to besides self-aggrandizement and our pocketbooks. ... Government is not a machine with parts; it's an organism. When does an intestine quit being an intestine and start becoming an asshole?
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Whenever government proposes to get involved in the regulation of trade, just be very, very careful about who's behind this proposal, what their motives are.
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Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else.
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At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.
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The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit
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I always thought there was some romance to that '30s leftist stuff, even though I'm a Republican.
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You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.
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The real alternative to power of the rich is not power of the poor. It's just plain power.
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It is very hard now to shock people into thinking about government regulation and the extent of government involvement in life.
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