Rita Rudner Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Rita Rudner's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Comedian Rita Rudner's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 191 quotes on this page collected since September 17, 1953! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
  • My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

  • I was going with someone for a few years, but we broke up. It was one of those things. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.

    "GRAB BAG -- When Napoleon Got Too Big for His Britches" by L.M. Boyd, www.sfgate.com. August 13, 1995.
  • Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

  • The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

  • Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

  • I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.

    Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA
  • I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

  • I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

  • Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

  • Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

  • My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

  • Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?

    Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA
  • I knew so little about money I used to sign my check, "Love, Rita."

  • Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

  • Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

  • Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.

    "Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature". Book by Rita Rudner, 1992.
  • My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take

    Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA
  • I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

    Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA
  • I have a hold limit that I've set for myself. I hold until I start to imagine myself killing the person on the other end. Then I hang up and regroup.

    Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA
  • Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

    FaceBook post by Rita Rudner from Nov 13, 2012
  • I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'

    "Lovely Rita: Comedian Rita Rudner Revels in Writing Career". lasvegassun.com. January 25, 2002.
  • One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

  • I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

  • Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

  • Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now.

  • I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.

  • My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

  • All men would still really like to own a train set.

  • I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.

  • Never take candy from strangers.

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  • We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 191 quotes from the Comedian Rita Rudner, starting from September 17, 1953! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!