Robin Williams Quotes About Funny
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When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'
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But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.
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The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
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We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.
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Comedy is acting out optimism.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
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In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'
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When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer.
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The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
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You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'
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Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?
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Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
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Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.
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I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'
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You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
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Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
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We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
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What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
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When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
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Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'
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The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.
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Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.
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We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
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You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
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Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then.
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Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
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Reality: What a concept!
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I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
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Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
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