Ron White Quotes
-
I don't do any corporate work.
→ -
There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
→ -
Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
→ -
The biggest piece of advice that I give young comedians is: If it's your goal to get where I'm at, go do something else. Because you'll never get here. Never. The odds are so bad. Because not only do you have to be a really, really strong comedian but you also have to be lucky. And most people don't get that combination.
→ -
Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.
→ -
But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.
→ -
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
→ -
I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.
→ -
There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not.
→ -
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
→ -
Apparently I ain't the only cat on the block digs cheetos.
→ -
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
→ -
I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.
→ -
I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.
→ -
Years ago, while I was watching a baseball game between the Baltimore Orioles and the Texas Rangers, I remember staring in awe at Cal Ripken. I realized during this game that 'you don't have to be flashy' or have 'power numbers' to be great. It's about the simple things that are the hard things. It's about leadership, work ethic and commitment.
→ -
I'd like to start off this show by asking you all a question, cause I don't know the answer. Uh, I lost my sunglasses and yesterday I went to the Sunglass Hut. Here's the question: Why does a pair of sunglasses cost more than a 25-inch color television set? I go to the Sunglass Hut. I see a pair that I like. I don't love them. I don't. I like 'em. $309.
→ -
If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.
→ -
I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
→ -
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.
→ -
My goal is just to become a better comedian.
→ -
I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.
→ -
You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.
→ -
Star Wars Episode Three (And One Quarter): Revenge Of The Hicks
→ -
From the very beginning I started with a beer and a cigarette because I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands. So usually I have a beer and cigarette and that's what I was doing with my hands because that looked natural and felt good.
→ -
I did have a deal for a little while a cigar company that never really materialized that much, except that I ended up with 100 boxes of my own cigars with my signature on them. Which is great, they are wonderful cigars but they never really fulfilled out so now I'm out of it. I can sign up with somebody else or go pick a blend or whatever. I probably will, there is no sense in not doing it.
→ -
The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.
→ -
My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.
→ -
I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.
→ -
They call me Tater Salad
→ -
I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.
→