Spike Milligan Quotes
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A lot of learning canbe a little thing.
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I told you I was sick.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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If a robin redbreast in a cage Puts all heaven in a rage, How feels heaven when Dies the billionth battery hen?
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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I'm Irish. We think sideways
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it's meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
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I have got so low that I have asked to be hospitalized and for deep narcosis (sleep). I cannot stand being awake. The pain is too much... Something has happened to me, this vital spark has stopped burning - I go to a dinner table now and I don't say a word, just sit there like a dodo. Normally I am the centre of attention, keeps the conversation going, - so that is depressing in itself. It's like another person taking over, very strange. The most important thing I say is 'good evening' and then I go quiet.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?
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God made nightButMan made darkness.
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The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.
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We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.
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General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me.
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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Render any politician down and there's enough fat to fry an egg.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse
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