Zach Galifianakis Quotes

On this page you can find the TOP of Zach Galifianakis's best quotes! We hope you will find some sayings from Stand-up comedian Zach Galifianakis's in our collection, which will inspire you to new achievements! There are currently 127 quotes on this page collected since October 1, 1969! Share our collection of quotes with your friends on social media so that they can find something to inspire them!
  • If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

    "Saturday Night Live", March 06, 2010.
  • I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.

  • When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.

    "Zach Galifianakis: Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, video, 2006.
  • I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.

    "Zach Galifianakis Talks PUSS IN BOOTS, DOG FIGHT, THE HANGOVER 3, BORED TO DEATH and BETWEEN TWO FERNS". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. October 25, 2011.
  • I have never been much of a groomer. I take baths a lot, but I don't wear deodorant. I don't have to. I have a miraculous body scent. I've had women smell me and say that should be bottled. I would advise guys to lay off the Drakkar, because the cavemen weren't wearing it. They might have been putting mint leaves on their balls, but your scent is grown naturally. I have really good dating advice.

    "Zach Galifianakis: Soon You Will Be Laughing at This Man". Interview with Peter Martin, www.esquire.com. June 2, 2009.
  • I think if you come out to California trying to be an actor, it's pretty hard. There's desperation. A lot of people are desperate, and a lot of people are clueless, including me. It's hard to try to figure it out. I've never told you, but I have head shots that if you saw them... they're so terrible! It's so embarrassing.

  • My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just a bunch of sentences that are supposed to be funny.

    "Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis Interview, Due Date". MoviesOnline Interview, www.moviesonline.ca. November, 2010.
  • I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.

    Interview with Josh Modell, www.avclub.com. March 07, 2007.
  • The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.

    "Zach Galifianakis Talks Working with Will Ferrell, His “Non-Sexual” Character, and Disliking Children on the Set of THE CAMPAIGN". collider.com. July 25, 2012.
  • Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.

    Hollywood.com Interview, www.hollywood.com. June 1, 2009.
  • I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.

    "Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.
  • I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it.

  • There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence, where a lot of people do. And they get the publicist, and they get all that stuff, and it becomes them. I think it's a stupid way to live your life. A really dumb way to live your life.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?

  • Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.

  • I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.

    "DUE DATE Press Conference with Robert Downey Jr., Zach Galifianakis, Director Todd Phillips and Michelle Monaghan (With Audio)". Interview with Steve "Frosty" Weintraub, collider.com. November 2, 2010.
  • That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.

  • I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.

    "Zach Galifianakis: Soon You Will Be Laughing at This Man". Interview with Peter Martin, www.esquire.com. June 2, 2009.
  • At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

    "Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.
  • I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.

  • I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.

    "Zach Galifianakis: ‘I have no idea’ if FX comedy ‘Baskets’ will work". Interview with Alan Sepinwall, uproxx.com. January 19, 2016.
  • You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.

  • My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him.

  • I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

  • A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.

    "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

  • Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

  • I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me to be saying this, but this will be the last one I do.

    "Zach Galifianakis: Soon You Will Be Laughing at This Man". Interview with Peter Martin, www.esquire.com. June 2, 2009.
  • Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

  • You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired.

    "Zach Galifianakis Talks Working with Will Ferrell, His “Non-Sexual” Character, and Disliking Children on the Set of THE CAMPAIGN". Interview with Scott Wampler, collider.com. July 25, 2012.
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  • We hope you have found the saying you were looking for in our collection! At the moment, we have collected 127 quotes from the Stand-up comedian Zach Galifianakis, starting from October 1, 1969! We periodically replenish our collection so that visitors of our website can always find inspirational quotes by authors from all over the world! Come back to us again!