Funny Comedian Quotes
The best sayings about Funny Comedian that you can share on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook and other social networks!
-
I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'
→ -
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
→ -
Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that is still far away.
→ -
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
→ -
I myself grew up when radio was very important. I'd come home from school and turn on the radio. There were funny comedians and wonderful music, and there were plays. I used to pass time with radio.
→ -
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
→ -
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
→ -
I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know. 'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?
→ -
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
→ -
I have a funny sense of humor. If I was a comedian and I was up on stage, people would think that's funny, because I'm a funny comedian. I'm an entertainer.
→ -
One night I attended a Laughing Liberally comedy show. There was one funny comedian there - Lee Camp.
→ -
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
→ -
When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
→ -
By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
→ -
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'
→ -
I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'
→ -
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.
→ -
I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
→ -
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
→ -
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
→ -
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
→ -
I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
→ -
I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny.
→ -
My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.
→ -
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
→ -
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
→ -
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
→ -
I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house and ask her for money.
→ -
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
→ -
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
→
Top Authors
-
-
-
-
John Hill Burton Advocate
-
John Musker Animation Director -
John Kricfalusi Animator -
John Gerstner Author -
John Gibson Paton Author -
John Hart Author -
John J. Geddes Author -
John Paul Jackson Author -
John Michael Greer Blogger -
John Bright British statesman -
John Rabe Businessman -
John Plumtree Coach -
John Pawson Designer -
John Hillcoat Film director
-
John Randolph of Roanoke Former U.S. Congressman -
John Hay Former United States Secretary of State -
John Carlin Journalist -
John Cole Journalist -
John Pilger Journalist -
John G. Bennett Mathematician -
John Newman Musician -
John James Audubon Ornithologist -
John Henry Twachtman Painter -
John Dear Priest -
John Loeffler Songwriter -
John Falsey Television writer -
John Lawson Writer
Share our collection of quotes on social networks – this will allow as many people as possible to find inspiring quotes about Funny Comedian!