Funny Quotes
The best sayings about Funny that you can share on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook and other social networks!
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Basketball really had its origin in Indiana, which remains the center of the sport.
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Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.
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It’s the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central and they’ve been good to me.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete: damns have had their day.
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
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Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
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Modern dancing is old fashioned.
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AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."
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Hemingway seems to be in a funny position. People nowadays can't identify with him closely as a member of their own generation, and he isn't yet historical.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"
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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
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How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
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Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.
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Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys.
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I have tried lately to read Shakespeare, and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
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Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.
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My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.
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I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war than the people have been told.
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You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
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I take my pet lion to church ever Sunday. He has to eat.
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The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
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Haters keep on hating, cause somebody's gotta do it.
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Clinton cannot possibly win in 2000.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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I didn't have a job because nobody would hire me. My friends were getting hired, and I couldn't even get a job interview. That really rocked my self-esteem because I didn't understand what I did wrong on those job applications.
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It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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