Hilarious Short Quotes
The best sayings about Hilarious Short that you can share on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook and other social networks!
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I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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My husband taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
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When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
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I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
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If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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I never said most of the things I said.
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The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
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When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
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I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.
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