Hilarious Quotes
The best sayings about Hilarious that you can share on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook and other social networks!
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
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Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
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I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows.
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I thought Europe was a country?
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People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.
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I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.
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If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog.
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The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
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Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I'm sorry I'm not the guy. It just doesn't fit me. I'm not 20.
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My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.
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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
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The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
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Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
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When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
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Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
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This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.
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Coffee isn't my cup of tea.
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We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
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I can't imagine going back to long hair. Cutting it was the greatest thing I ever did
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The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.
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Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
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Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
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Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.
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If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
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