Humor Quotes

On this page you will find all the quotes on the topic "Humor". There are currently 5085 quotes in our collection about Humor. Discover the TOP 10 sayings about Humor!
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  • Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.

    Funny   Humor   Swimming  
  • I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.

  • AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."

    Funny   Humor   Offering  
  • My wife has a black belt in shopping.

    Funny   Humor   Shopping  
  • If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"

    Funny   Humor   Groups  
  • You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other.

  • It's going to require numerous IRA agents.

    Humor   Political   Ira  
    "Bush, in his own words" by Jacob Weisberg, www.theguardian.com. November 3, 2000.
  • My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

    Funny   Humor   Parent  
  • You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

    Funny   Humor   Hunting  
  • The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

    Funny   Humorous   Iraq  
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    Funny   Humor   Justice  
    Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.
  • It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

    Funny   Sex   Dirty  
  • My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

    Funny   Jesus   Easter  
  • Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

    Funny   Humor   Pride  
  • And some needs and hurts are so deep they will only respond to a mentor's touch or a pastor's prayer. Church and charity, synagogue and mosque, lend our communities their humanity, and they will have an honored place in our plans and laws.

    Hurt   Prayer   Humor  
    First Inaugural Address, delivered 20 January 2001
  • I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.

    Funny   Life   Marriage  
    Quoted in Observer (London), 28 Aug. 1957
  • Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

  • You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

    Funny   Humor   Doors  
  • I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

    Funny   Humor   Watches  
  • I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

    Funny   Humor   Clouds  
  • I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

    Funny   Jobs   Drinking  
  • The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s … well, it wouldn't have happened to Jews.

    Funny   Humor   People  
  • Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

    Funny   Humor   Two  
  • I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

    Funny   Humor   Reality  
  • Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"

    Funny   Home   School  
  • Rock Hudson wasn't my type. He's a great guy and had a great sense of humor.

    Humor   Rocks   Guy  
  • Rich Folkers is throwing 'em up in the bullpen.

    Funny   Baseball   Humor  
    "From the SABR archives: A conversation with Jerry Coleman". The SABR Oral History interview of Jerry Coleman by Walter Langford, sabr.org. May 10, 1988.
  • Cynicism is humor in ill health.

    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

    Funny   Humor   Thinking  
    "Jimmy Carr's 40 most memorable jokes: One-liners and videos galore to mark comic's 40th birthday" by Rob Leigh, www.mirror.co.uk. September 14, 2012.
  • Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.

    Funny   Sports   Morning  
    "Dave Attell: Captain Miserable". Documentary, Comedy, December 08, 2007.
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