Humorists Quotes

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  • In this land of unlimited opportunity, a place where, to paraphrase Woody Allen, any man or woman can realize greatness as a patient or as a doctor, we have only one commercial American filmmaker who consistently speaks with his own voice. That is Woody Allen, gag writer, musician, humorist, philosopher, playwright, stand-up comic, film star, film writer and film director.

    The New York Times, July 17, 1983.
  • No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who's always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don't exist.

    Chris Hardwick (2011). “The Nerdist Way: How to Reach the Next Level (In Real Life)”, p.37, Penguin
  • I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

    Writing   Tools   Use  
    "David Sedaris: 'If you tell a funny story at the dinner table in front of 10 people, nine will laugh, and one will say: that's not true. I've always hated that person'". Interview With Decca Aitkenhead, June 21, 2009.
  • If you don't count some of Jehovah's injunctions, there are no humorists in the Bible.

    Jehovah   Ifs   Humorists  
    Mordecai Richler (1983). “The Best of modern humor”, Alfred a Knopf Inc
  • Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

    Sarcastic   Years   Two  
  • Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

  • In my more pompous moments I like to think of myself as a writer rather than a humorist, but I suppose that's merely the vanity of advancing age.

    Thinking   Vanity   Age  
  • I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.

    Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain in Eruption (Abridged, Annotated)”, p.117, BIG BYTE BOOKS
  • God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

    "Happy to be Here". Book by Garrison Keillor, 1983.
  • People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

  • All great humorists are sad... I cannot help seeing beyond the tinsel of humour, and recognising the pitiful basis of jest - the world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.

    World   Helping   Comic  
    "Collected Essays, Volume 5: Philosophy" edited by S. T. Joshi, (p. 54), 2006.
  • I remember what J. Golden Kimball said when he came down to the stake where I was presiding. I introduced him as the 'Will Rogers' of the Church, and told the congregation that he was a great humorist. When he got up he said, 'You know, I think the Lord himself likes a joke. If he didn't, he wouldn't have made some of you folks!

    Thinking   Church   Roger  
  • The audience is invisible and that's good. Somewhere my voice is drifting through a swine barn and the sound of it seems to perk up the sows' appetite. Or a lady is listening on headphones as she jogs along a beach, running to my cadence. Or a dog sits in front of the radio, head cocked, and the sibilants excite him in some mysterious way. A dog's humorist, that's me.

    Running   Dog   Beach  
  • Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

  • No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

    Funny   Death   Real  
    Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.8, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
  • And as Craig Brown - he's an English humorist, not a comedian but he's just a writer and humorist - I'm quite a fan of. I heard him talking in a rather similar way on the radio. He said I'm the sort of person - I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was rather interesting - he said I'm the sort of person that can be reduced to tears in an empty church and feel like I'm the CEO of the Devil's organization in a full one, and I tend to feel like that as well. I love empty churches and going into them looking around, but I'm not a churchgoer at all.

    "Nick Lowe Brings His 'Quality Holiday Revue' To America". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, December 22, 2014.
  • Humor is really one of the hardest things to define, very hard. And it's very ambiguous. You have it or you don't. You can't attain it. There are terrible forms of professional humor, the humorists' humor. That can be awful. It depresses me because it is artificial. You can't always be humorous, but a professional humorist must. That is a sad phenomenon.

  • I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.

    Happiness   Happy   God  
    Mark Twain (2016). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain”, p.182, Chartwell
  • The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

    Fun   World   Comedy  
    Interview with Edward R. Murrow on "Small World", CBS-TV, March 25, 1959.
  • I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

    Funny   Time   Humorous  
    Provincial Letters: Letter XVI, December 4, 1656.
  • Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

    Funny   Crazy   Gun  
    FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 18, 2012
  • This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.

    Book   Failing   Reason  
  • "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us. "He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way."

    Fear   Hate   Hard Work  
    "Cat's Cradle". Book by Kurt Vonnegut (Chapter 124), 1963.
  • HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

    Ambrose Bierce (2011). “Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs”, p.663, Library of America
  • I rejected the word humorist for a long time because I thought that it meant you had, like, a cardigan sweater with patches on the elbows, but now I'm old and I do. I grew into that word. I think at heart, all this time, I've been a diarist. I'm not ashamed of it.

    Heart   Thinking   Long  
    "David Sedaris diaries are mundane, profane, downright odd". The Associated Press Interview, June 2, 2017.
  • Great humorists are great insulters.

    Dick Cavett (2010). “Talk Show: Confrontations, Pointed Commentary, and Off-Screen Secrets”, p.192, Macmillan
  • When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.

    Jobs   Men   Venture  
    Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.6747, Delphi Classics
  • Life is a cruel, horrible joke and I am the punch line.

    Life   Lines   Actresses  
    Carrie Fisher (2011). “Postcards From the Edge”, p.131, Simon and Schuster
  • Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

    Funny   Running   Morning  
  • You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humour teaches tolerance, and the humorist, with a smile and perhaps a sigh, is more likely to shrug his shoulders than to condemn.

    "The Summing Up". Book by W. Somerset Maugham, 1938.
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