Humorous Christmas Quotes

On this page you will find all the quotes on the topic "Humorous Christmas". There are currently 37 quotes in our collection about Humorous Christmas. Discover the TOP 10 sayings about Humorous Christmas!
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  • Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'.

  • Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.

    Christmas   Xmas   Earth  
    Ronald Pollitt, Helen Steiner Rice, Virginia Wiltse (1998). “Helen Steiner Rice - The Healing Touch: Poems, Letters and Life Stories”, Fleming H Revell Company
  • There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

    Funny   Christmas   Xmas  
    P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books
  • Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.

    Christmas   Xmas   Mind  
  • Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  • Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

  • Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

    Funny   Christmas   Witty  
  • Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

    Christmas   Xmas   Past  
  • That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

  • I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

  • Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

  • At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.

    Christmas   Xmas   Cheer  
    Five Hundred Pointes of Good Husbandrie (1580)
  • There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

    Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.260, Open Road Media
  • Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.

    Song: Let's Be Naughty
  • Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.

  • Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?

  • Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

    Christmas   Xmas   Beer  
    "Calvin and Hobbes". Comic strip by Bill Watterson, November 18, 1985 – December 31, 1995.
  • From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

    Funny   Christmas   Views  
  • The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.

    Christmas   Xmas   Heart  
  • The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

    Funny   Christmas   Wise  
    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.

    Max Lucado (2013). “God Came Near: God's Perfect Gift”, p.8, Thomas Nelson Inc
  • Christmas is the day that holds all time together.

  • I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

    Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)
  • Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.

    Funny   Christmas   Years  
  • A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

    Love   Funny   Christmas  
    "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
  • Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

    Funny   Christmas   Money  
    P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.136, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
  • Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.

  • The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

    "Late-Night TV Icon Johnny Carson Dies", abcnews.go.com. January 23, 2005.
  • What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

    Christmas   Jobs   Xmas  
  • In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"

    "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide" by Dave Barry, www.davebarry.com.
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