Ray Romano Quotes About Funny
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If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.
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That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.
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I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.
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Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.
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When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).
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Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.
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For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.
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Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.
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Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
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Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
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