Bill Cosby Quotes About Funny
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The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.
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I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."
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Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.
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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
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It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
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Old is always fifteen years from now.
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I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"
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My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.
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My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.
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"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.
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I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.
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You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.
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I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.
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There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
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A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.
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Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
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As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'
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I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
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A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.
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The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.
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Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
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If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
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The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation.
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A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
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My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.
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Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
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The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."
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Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.
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The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.
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