Red Buttons Quotes
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Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!
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Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"
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The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner!
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Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!
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Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a dinner!
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Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner!
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Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner!
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Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner!
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Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.
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Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!
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Gandhi, who went to Wendy's and asked, "Where's the belief?" Never got a dinner!
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J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner!
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Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!
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Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!
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E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner!
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Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.
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Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!
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Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!
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King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!
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Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner!
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The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!
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Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
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When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.
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Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!
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Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.”
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George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!
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Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!
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John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!
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Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner!
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Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!
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