Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Frenchman: Germans with good food.
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The terrible state of public education has paid huge dividends in ignorance. Huge. We now have a country that can be told blatant lies - easily checkable, blatant lies - and I'm not talking about the covert workings of the CIA. When we have a terrorist attack, on September 11, 2001 with 19 men - 15 of them are Saudis - and five minutes later the whole country thinks they're from Iraq - how can you have faith in the public? This is an easily checkable fact. The whole country is like the O.J. Simpson jurors.
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If there had been a job of being a reader, I would have taken that, because I love to read and I don't love to write. That would be blissful.
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Donald Trump is not my fault. You can blame certain things on me, but not Donald Trump.
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Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don't want them to come. Stay home!
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
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I hate writing. I will do anything to avoid it. The only way I could write less was if I was dead.
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I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.
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Japanese food is very pretty and undoubtedly a suitable cuisine in Japan, which is largely populated by people of below average size. Hostesses hell-bent on serving such food to occidentals would be well advised to supplement it with something more substantial and to keep in mind that almost everybody likes french fries.
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Technological innovation has done great damage ... to eating habits. Food is now available in such unpleasant forms that one frequently finds smoking between courses to be an aid to digestion.
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Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type
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I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I've ever met: Every writer I've ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. The second you meet someone that you're going to fall in love with you deliberately become a moron. You do this in order to fall in love, because it would be impossible to fall in love with any human being if you actually saw them for what they are.
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Ever since I was a little child, I refused to see movies of books that I loved. Because you already know what Heidi looks like and she doesn't look like Shirley Temple.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.
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I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.
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Because I was young, I had this long hair, and people used to try to tip me with joints.
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Lifestyle. Not a word at all, really - rather a wordette. A genuine case of more is less. ... the word life and the word style are, except in rare cases (and chances are that you're not of them), mutually exclusive.
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Writers get exactly the right amount of fame: just enough to get a good table in a restaurant but not enough so that people are constantly interrupting you while you're eating dinner.
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My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.
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If I lived in another country, like a country that was, say, an enemy of the United States, I would be more amused than I am.
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All style is personal - that's what distinguishes it from fashion.
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If food did not exist it would be well-nigh impossible to get certain types off the phone, as one would be unable to say, 'Look, I've got to run but let's have dinner sometime soon.'
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I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It's not my preference, but it is my lot in life.
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China is not a great idea: capitalism and a dictator. It's like the two worst possible things you could imagine together. It's a very bad idea.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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One [New York] eatery is a remodeled diner that looks like what Busby Berkeley would have done if only he hadn't had the money.
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If people had gavels, there would be no wars. If every person in the world had a gavel and could bang it and get everyone's attention right away and make their displeasure known, I believe the level of actual violence in the world would just disappear to practically nothing.
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[On the writers she admires:] I prefer dead writers, because I don't see them at parties.
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