Colin Quinn Quotes
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You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.
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I used to love the election season'cause it's kind of fun. Everyone makes a big sport out of it with all these different news stories and everything. I like it better now that everybody knows all the candidates from the past 15 years. But it does get really ugly. It's ugly and it's pugilist.
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Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.
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Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.
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You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.
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The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.
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The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.
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Everybody's funny in different ways.
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I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.
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My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.
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The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.
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That’s the beauty of being a comedian: it’s the one job you’re allowed to do that. We’re lucky. We’re really lucky.
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You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.
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With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.
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Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.
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I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
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Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are.
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I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.
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New York Stat agreed to pay $12 million to settle a lawsuit filed three decades ago by inmates swept up in the bloody 1971 revolt at Attica prison. The settlement will be paid in the form of chocolate bars and packs of Newports that can be picked up in the commissary.
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It’s sad. Marxism didn’t work. Communism didn’t work. Capitalism doesn’t work. Nothing works. Even democracy doesn’t work. Democracy-the greatest form of government and we have two choices for who’s our leader. In fascism you only have one choice. That’s great. We have one more choice than the worst form of government.
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A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.
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I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.
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Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.
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I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.
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What I love about comedians is their instinct is always to go against the grain. Their whole existence is pointing out the elephant in the room. Already you can see audiences are pushing back, but we're the ones who really can take it more than anybody.
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People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.
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The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.
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You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.
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Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.
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Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.
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