Patrice O'Neal Quotes
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I'm really glad my food comes murdered.
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Women expect us to like them, but they don't even like each other
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I generally don't like living in a world where being what a man is, is a horrible thing; and no matter what a woman is, is a wonderful thing.
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Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey.
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I'm a thigh-meat dude. Thigh is just the best meat - I don't get chicken breast. I think it's a publicity stunt that we've convinced people it's delicious.
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Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don't want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level.
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Ive still got that little freedom part of me that wants to have a car that looks really sexy.
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I'm a slave to the culture, so I see an Audi, a Denali, or an Escalade, my neighbor got the four-door Porsche. I have a really nice truck. But it's a Durango and I like frontin'! I like to ride by and show off.
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Just making the crowd laugh is not really doing things for me anymore. That's just knowing how to kill; I've learned how to kill - but also learned when a crowd's laughter is meaningful.
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What I'm trying to do is be righteous. And when I say “righteous,” I don't mean God. You know? God- Righteous. I mean just when I wake up, I know I was honest to myself.
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I wanna say 'China', but I don't really mean 'China.' I just mean the places that Chinese people come from.
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I need a little bass and I don't even need that crazy bass to break your face. I just want it to sound good when I have my favorite song.
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Women don't want to win, they want a winner.
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Who has connections to Connecticut? That's where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.
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I'm a decent cook, and I will try to cook anything. My only weakness is that I don't know servings - I only know how to make a lot.
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I am that guy who will say things that people seem to think is a little edgy, a little racy.
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People have tried to corner the market on being offended, corner the market on language and corner the market on opinion. Should I lose my job 'cause I offended somebody? No, of course not. Your life should never be affected by public opinion.
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People say life ain't fairlife is very fair. People aren't fairpeople are terrible.
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I like to be loved or hated - I don't like mediocre. So I'd rather have the entire crowd hate me than to have 90% hate me.
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I don't go to any sexy places to eat where they give you half a lamb chop and one bean. I like going, 'Uhhh, I'm done' when I eat.
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I'm a big buffet dude, or I'm a big cheap-food-and-order-more-when-I-need-it dude.
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Patrice O'Neal
- Born: December 7, 1969
- Died: November 29, 2011
- Occupation: Stand-up comedian
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