Jeff Ross Quotes
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When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.
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You know, sometimes I worry, you know, is comedy and my type of comedy going to get stale? Is it going to be so offensive that it becomes uninteresting or so niche that I don't have an audience anymore? But it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger, where roasting now is a movement. These roasts are on in India, in Mexico.
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My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.
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I like to roast things from the inside out. I like to know what's going on.
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My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.
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People are not afraid to be very direct with police. And I think that's part of the problem is that people are angry at the cops and then the cops are stressed out and they, you know, pay it backwards, so to speak.
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Life is tough, and if we don't laugh, we're going to - our head will explode.
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Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr—who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.
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I had a life experience that most of my - that none of my friends had. I remember I became everybody's rabbi. Everybody who needed advice would talk to me, and it became an obvious thing.
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You have such a huge career ... behind you.
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With everybody having a Facebook and a Twitter, I feel like regular people consider themselves stars. It's a live, real-time upload of every time we buy a pair of socks, the most telling sign that we're losing our politeness. When you know everything about somebody, you can talk to them any way you please.
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I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.
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I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.
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It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.
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Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.
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I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.
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I don't think it's unfair to have writers. I think if you're going to do a roast on television, as if you were doing a play or you were reading a script of a movie, you would have the best possible material. And those are the people who score, the people who are willing to listen to the roasting experts and then come out there and own that material.
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Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.
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Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.
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Comedians a lot of times we're on the road, we're by our self. We come home to New York to our empty one-bedroom apartment, you know, and we need a place to go where you see a bunch of other miserable people sit around and eat a corned beef sandwich.
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As soon as you start analyzing comedy is when the world starts to fall apart, and we're second guessing it. And we are way too sensitive.
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My best friend is disabled. There's nothing he hates more than being left out of the jokes, to be treated with kid gloves. That's the insult.
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The good thing about a jail show is nobody gets up and walks out.
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I want the roast to be like a party where everybody goes and has a good time.
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Ninety percent of all prisoners in all jails get out some day. So why not give them a little levity in what's otherwise a very dark life?
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I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.
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The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.
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I usually have sex to my stand-up comedy album. Power move.
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Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.
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In Boston where community policing is so important, they don't necessarily have to like each other, but they know each other. The cops in Boston make it their business to get out of their vehicles, to engage the public, to walk around the neighborhoods. They live in the community that they police. And I think these things help.
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