Jeremy Clarkson Quotes
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I think it's a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit.
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There are shantytowns in South Africa that are built better than Renaults!
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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
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Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.
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That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
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Mix an anorexic body with a heart made of pure fire and you are going to go with a savagery that's hard to explain.
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Hollywood movies are designed for 15-year-old youths from North Dakota who, intellectually speaking, are on equal terms with a British zoo animal.
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...it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored.
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Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.
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Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.
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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.
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.. international hand of freindship. A cigarette
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You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!
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When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.
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Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.
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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.
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Why is the forecast so bland? Why instead of 'stormy' don't they just say the sea's 'a frothing maelstrom of terror and hopelessness'?
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Like every big organisation these days, the BBC is obsessed with the wellbeing of those who set foot on its premises. Studios must display warning notices if there is real glass on the set, and the other day I was presented with a booklet explaining how to use a door. I am not kidding.
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Column writing is like gas - it fills the available space.
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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
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I dish the dirt out and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it?
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It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom
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I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
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If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.
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I wore a groove in the kitchen floor with endless trips to the fridge, hoping against hope that I had somehow missed a plateful of cold sausages on the previous 4,000 excursions. Then, for no obvious reason, I decided to buy a footstool.
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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world.
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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.
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Then there’s the biggest problem of them all – the problem of being in an Audi TT when you are not called Angela. I do not know why it can be driven by only people named Angela, but that’s a fact and there’s nothing we can do about it. If you have a TT and you aren’t called Angela, you have the wrong car.
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The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!
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All this health and safety talk is just killing me.
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