Phyllis Diller Quotes About Children
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
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The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!
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