Phyllis Diller Quotes About Inspirational
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.
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Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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