Gabriel Iglesias Quotes
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Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.
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I have no talent when it comes to pianos or guitars or any of that, even karaoke. For karaoke, I have to be wasted to get up there and sing.
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I eat a lot of junk food, because that's what's usually available at 1:00am when I'm all done working.
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People think if you have money, it'll fix the problems, but it creates different ones.
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I know enough football to know that's funny!
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I was not the popular kid in school.
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I'm always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that's off stage. People know when it's fake.
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Make sure you're doing impressions of people that are still relevant, and that everyone knows. Red Skelton impressions are a little outdated.
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I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.
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I think when we stop putting labels and start worrying more about the performance, that's when you're able to cross over and make yourself a household name and go everywhere.
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As a comedian, especially one that works as much as I do, there is a lot of sacrifice. People don't see that I'm away from my family 46 weeks out of the year. I miss all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.
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Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.
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I go on the road all the time, but I'm only performing for two hours a night, and then I'll do a meet-and-greet, and then I'll get a bite to eat, get drunk, pass out, wake up the next day, sleeping the next day, sleeping off the hangover, and then I'm in the next city.
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I was very dirty; I was a very dirty comic. There was no way I would have gotten on TV with the act I had when I first started.
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In the beginning, yes. I didn't like it because I wanted people to know me by Gabriel Iglesias, not by Fluffy.
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Kids, man, they're way too honest. They're like mini-alcoholics.
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I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.'
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You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!
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My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know.
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In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.
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When you hear "Seinfield," no one says, "the Jewish comic." You talk about Cedric the Entertainer, you don't say, "African American comedian Cedric the Entertainer." Even Margaret Cho - who's like one of three Korean performers out there - no one refers to her like that. They say, "It's Margaret Cho."
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Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.
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I think the furthest I ever got was Guitar Hero. If I could start a band like that, I think I could do it.
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I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.
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I started talking about things that everybody could relate to. And that's not to say I deserted my roots, I just found a way to talk about things in a broad way.
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The girl voice is always going to kill because they don't expect it.
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I'm not selling out, denying who I am or where I've come from, not at all. I acknowledge that.
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Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.
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People see a big dude and they hear that high pitched voice or "Eglasias with an 'I'" and love it because they can relate and go "I know that person!".
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I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.
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