Dave Barry Quotes About Literature
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Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!
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If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
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The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
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In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.
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We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
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Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
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Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
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Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
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The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
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In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
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Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
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For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
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Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
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It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
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Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
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The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
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The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.
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Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
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We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
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A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of gene it is.
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Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
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The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
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And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
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The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
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