Henny Youngman Quotes About Today
-
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
→ -
A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.
→ -
Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.
→ -
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
→ -
I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.
→
Related Authors
-
Henry Hill Mobster -
Mort Sahl Comedian -
George Carlin Comedian -
Sid Caesar Actor -
Steven Wright Comedian -
Bill Hicks Comedian -
Rodney Dangerfield Comedian -
Milton Berle Comedian -
Groucho Marx Comedian -
Jerry Seinfeld Comedian -
Emo Philips Entertainer -
Phyllis Diller Comedienne -
George Burns Comedian -
Don Rickles Comedian -
Larry the Cable Guy Comedian -
Sam Kinison Comedian -
Bob Newhart Stand-up comedian -
Rich Little Impressionist -
Jerry Lewis Comedian -
Mitch Hedberg Comedian